Friday Challenge Entry #2

For the Friday Challenge

"The treatment”

Bruce, you need to read this idiotic proposal I got back from those two “writers” you had me submit spec scripts to. What did I ever do to you?

My notes are scattered throughout, and I will remember this next time you need someone to polish a short story or manage “The Friday Challenge”.


From: The offices of P. T. Haack & I. Rouen

To: Henry Vogel

Re: Southern Knights Script notes

Henry, P.T. here, we're so glad to be working with you on this exciting project. Ignacio and I just have a few small tweaks we'd like to make in regard to some of the characters, and the script you submitted.

I believe, and Ignacio agrees that with these insignificant changes we can all put out the best possible finished product.

Electrode - A scientist whose love of comics caused him to give himself super-powers. Can generate electricity—up to and including lightning bolts—and can fly.

We'd like to change the character of “Electrode” from a scientist who gains superpowers to an alien visitor who is born with his powers. More along the lines of Superman, but different enough to avoid possible litigation. Also we'd like to remove his love of comic books and replace it with something more culturally relevant like perhaps internet webisodes, we have an arrangement with FoxWarner Studios. And we'd really like to leverage that if possible.

As to casting of the character our short list includes Jason Statham, Shia Labeouf, and if you're amenable to changing the gender of the character, Megan Fox, or Charlize Theron.


Connie Ronnin. A former Olympic fencing silver-medalist. She can create a 'psychic sword' which can cause people struck by it to react as though it were a real sword, but leaves no lasting damage. Being a projection of psychic energy, her sword is not at all inhibited by armor.


For the character of Connie Ronnin, we see a skintight bodysuit and possible nude scenes, tastefully done of course. We feel the concept of a “psychic sword” is a little too highbrow.
Could we possibly change this to an actual sword, a family heirloom passed down thorough the generations along with the secret identity. Ignacio and I have tossed a few ideas around about that, feel free to go over the included sketches, and choose the one you'd feel appropriate.

(Note from Henry: The attached sketches are all bikini clad supermodel types, with large breasts, and vapid smiles. Dear lord what have I gotten myself into?)

Kristin Austin. A petite graduate of Clemson University who is strong enough to destroy a tank and tough enough to withstand at least .50 cal. machine gun rounds.

Kristin was somewhat of a conundrum with us, but after a few days of brainstorming we think we stumbled upon a perfect solution. Combine her character with the character of Connie Ronnin.

With that bit of creative writing we found the pool of available actresses to play the role much easier to fill. We'd like to invite you to come to the next casting call and give us your unbiased opinion on the subject.

(Note from Henry: No, just no. And don't tell my wife.)

Aramis Merrow. A young sorcerer from the 17th century who was placed in suspended animation by his parents when their coven was attacked by witch hunters. He was awakened by Kristin while she was exploring the new house the team had moved into. His magical powers allow him to do almost anything. Flying, scrying, summoning illusions, protecting himself and others with mystical shields, and firing bolts of magical energy. His major weakness is trying to adjust to modern-day life.

We've done some research and found what we think is a new take on this archetypical character. Young hot blonde woman, English accent, and we know this is old school, but all of her “abilities” will be done with practical effects. Just to give it all that hokey old-timey feel, that has been lost in this age of CGI.

Foremost among our concerns for this character was finding a believable young woman capable of playing someone with this much raw seething power.

We think you'll agree with our choice, Dakota Fanning. She's coming off of that remake of "Jaws", so we'd better strike while the iron is hot.

Dragon - Moranderin/Mark Dagon. The last of the dragons (or so he initially believes). After his mate and child were slain by men, he found that he could take on the form of a human male. After having his revenge on the slayers of his family he wandered the world for a thousand years until meeting up with the Knights. In dragon form he is immensely strong and tough, can fly and breath fire. In human form he is no tougher or stronger than a normal human.

Now we saved this until last for a reason, Ignacio and I have the most controversial changes in mind for this character, and we were hoping to wow you with our other improvements before getting to him.

Instead of a powerful dragon who can shape-shift into human form, we saw the one missing component in this series, humor. We planned almost from the day we received the wonderful script you sent us to find a way to work in a subtle bit of humor. And the character of “Dragon” seemed almost written just for that.

With a few modifications, obviously.

Now in our version of Southern Knights, “Dragon” will be a childlike being, an easy audience surrogate for the always popular 6-12 year old market.

Add in the fast food tie-ins and action figure possibilities and you'd have to be a fool to say no to our minor changes.

(Note from Henry: Jesus wept, I'd have to get a frontal lobotomy to work with you jackasses in the first place..)

Sincerely,

P.T. Haack and Ignacio Rouen


P.S.

Henry, the groundskeeper, who wears a high tech suit of armor? Yeah we had to cut him at the last minute. You understand, what with “Iron Man 4” coming out this summer. It's a logistical nightmare, and we'd hate to be accused of swiping a popular character from someone else.

(Note from Henry: What?!? You mean again right? I looked these two up on the WGA website, they have over 100 complaints against them. Seriously check it out for yourself.)