For the Friday Challenge
"The treatment”
Bruce, you need to read this idiotic proposal I got back from those two “writers” you had me submit spec scripts to. What did I ever do to you?
My notes are scattered throughout, and I will remember this next time you need someone to polish a short story or manage “The Friday Challenge”.
From: The offices of P. T. Haack & I. Rouen
To: Henry Vogel
Re: Southern Knights Script notes
Henry, P.T. here, we're so glad to be working with you on this exciting project. Ignacio and I just have a few small tweaks we'd like to make in regard to some of the characters, and the script you submitted.
I believe, and Ignacio agrees that with these insignificant changes we can all put out the best possible finished product.
Electrode - A scientist whose love of comics caused him to give himself super-powers. Can generate electricity—up to and including lightning bolts—and can fly.
We'd like to change the character of “Electrode” from a scientist who gains superpowers to an alien visitor who is born with his powers. More along the lines of Superman, but different enough to avoid possible litigation. Also we'd like to remove his love of comic books and replace it with something more culturally relevant like perhaps internet webisodes, we have an arrangement with FoxWarner Studios. And we'd really like to leverage that if possible.
As to casting of the character our short list includes Jason Statham, Shia Labeouf, and if you're amenable to changing the gender of the character, Megan Fox, or Charlize Theron.
Connie Ronnin. A former Olympic fencing silver-medalist. She can create a 'psychic sword' which can cause people struck by it to react as though it were a real sword, but leaves no lasting damage. Being a projection of psychic energy, her sword is not at all inhibited by armor.
For the character of Connie Ronnin, we see a skintight bodysuit and possible nude scenes, tastefully done of course. We feel the concept of a “psychic sword” is a little too highbrow.
Could we possibly change this to an actual sword, a family heirloom passed down thorough the generations along with the secret identity. Ignacio and I have tossed a few ideas around about that, feel free to go over the included sketches, and choose the one you'd feel appropriate.
(Note from Henry: The attached sketches are all bikini clad supermodel types, with large breasts, and vapid smiles. Dear lord what have I gotten myself into?)
Kristin Austin. A petite graduate of Clemson University who is strong enough to destroy a tank and tough enough to withstand at least .50 cal. machine gun rounds.
Kristin was somewhat of a conundrum with us, but after a few days of brainstorming we think we stumbled upon a perfect solution. Combine her character with the character of Connie Ronnin.
With that bit of creative writing we found the pool of available actresses to play the role much easier to fill. We'd like to invite you to come to the next casting call and give us your unbiased opinion on the subject.
(Note from Henry: No, just no. And don't tell my wife.)
Aramis Merrow. A young sorcerer from the 17th century who was placed in suspended animation by his parents when their coven was attacked by witch hunters. He was awakened by Kristin while she was exploring the new house the team had moved into. His magical powers allow him to do almost anything. Flying, scrying, summoning illusions, protecting himself and others with mystical shields, and firing bolts of magical energy. His major weakness is trying to adjust to modern-day life.
We've done some research and found what we think is a new take on this archetypical character. Young hot blonde woman, English accent, and we know this is old school, but all of her “abilities” will be done with practical effects. Just to give it all that hokey old-timey feel, that has been lost in this age of CGI.
Foremost among our concerns for this character was finding a believable young woman capable of playing someone with this much raw seething power.
We think you'll agree with our choice, Dakota Fanning. She's coming off of that remake of "Jaws", so we'd better strike while the iron is hot.
Dragon - Moranderin/Mark Dagon. The last of the dragons (or so he initially believes). After his mate and child were slain by men, he found that he could take on the form of a human male. After having his revenge on the slayers of his family he wandered the world for a thousand years until meeting up with the Knights. In dragon form he is immensely strong and tough, can fly and breath fire. In human form he is no tougher or stronger than a normal human.
Now we saved this until last for a reason, Ignacio and I have the most controversial changes in mind for this character, and we were hoping to wow you with our other improvements before getting to him.
Instead of a powerful dragon who can shape-shift into human form, we saw the one missing component in this series, humor. We planned almost from the day we received the wonderful script you sent us to find a way to work in a subtle bit of humor. And the character of “Dragon” seemed almost written just for that.
With a few modifications, obviously.
Now in our version of Southern Knights, “Dragon” will be a childlike being, an easy audience surrogate for the always popular 6-12 year old market.
Add in the fast food tie-ins and action figure possibilities and you'd have to be a fool to say no to our minor changes.
(Note from Henry: Jesus wept, I'd have to get a frontal lobotomy to work with you jackasses in the first place..)
Sincerely,
P.T. Haack and Ignacio Rouen
P.S.
Henry, the groundskeeper, who wears a high tech suit of armor? Yeah we had to cut him at the last minute. You understand, what with “Iron Man 4” coming out this summer. It's a logistical nightmare, and we'd hate to be accused of swiping a popular character from someone else.
(Note from Henry: What?!? You mean again right? I looked these two up on the WGA website, they have over 100 complaints against them. Seriously check it out for yourself.)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday Challenge Entry #1
For the Friday Challenge
This is my first try at actually writing a story. Be gentle...
"Methuselah unbound"
Dateline May 16, 2024
With the advent of nanotechnology, medical breakthroughs seem likely to become an everyday occurrence. Foremost among them the possibility of nearly limitless healing, and the extension of human life. - Dr. Janice Ghant, Interview published in New England Journal of Medicine June 1, 2024
Some time later...
Gabe sat at the edge of his cot, trying desperately to think of a way out.
But none came, at least none that he hadn't already tried.
Over and over...
To look at him, you'd never guess he was the oldest living natural born human. His salt and pepper hair gave him the appearance of a man in his early forties, a maddening effect that bothered him every time he caught his reflection in a shiny surface. Not that he'd had a mirror, at least not since they took his last one away after his final attempt, a couple decades ago.
He had known it was fruitless the second he began slicing at his wrists and forearms.
But it was the only method left to him. He'd put off trying it for so long. Mostly because of the pain.
But still he watched helplessly anyway as the nanomachines in his body were quickly undoing his latest failed effort at suicide. Easily repairing the deep gashes in his arms before he had even finished cutting.
After that the warden moved him into isolation, so as not to be a danger to himself or others.
Gabe had long ago resigned himself to the fact he'd likely never see the outside world again, other than on TV, or through the fine mesh of the windows of his cell, but in his deepest desires, he kept alive the hope that maybe just maybe one day he'd be free.
It was a surprise then, that a few weeks later Gabe got a visit from his attorney. Or more accurately his last attorney's great-granddaughter or something.
He'd honestly lost track, but the important part to him was that she'd taken on his case when her father died.
Gabe sat silently listening to her speak, glad to hear a human voice not barking orders or threatening to hurt him. He drank in the very sight of her, the fact that she came from the outside world was so distracting he hadn't heard much of what she had been saying, but a key phrase immediately caught his attention.
“Wait, what do you mean free?” He asked incredulously as she flipped through the stack of papers she'd brought along with her.
His lawyer flashed him a quick smile as she handed him a single sheet of paper, densely packed with legal jargon.
“Mr. Kinross, the firm has had your case since day one, and quite frankly I can't believe I'm the first to find this obscure legal loophole.” she said as she pointed to one line in particular on the document.
“What's cruel and unusual punishment?” he asked handing back the sheet of paper.
She again smiled and pulled out a small palmtop computer from her pocket. Its screen quickly flashed to life as a thin beam of greenish light tracking her eyes sent the information directly to her optic nerves.
“Yours is a special case Mr. Kinross. You were incarcerated back before the great digitization of 2103. Every piece of information about your case is only available on hard-copy. Like these files.” she said resting her hand on the small stack of papers on the table.
“When I tried to go over your case it made me wonder what laws were in effect at the time of your incarceration. And that's when I found this.” she said as her eye movements activated the projector function of the tiny computer.
Hovering above the table's surface was a document Gabe only had faint memories of, but had never actually seen before.
“The Constitution of the United States?” he said still wondering what this had to do with the other paper she'd already shown him. As far as he knew the Constitution had no such thing written in it, but he was working from vague childhood memories of the document.
His lawyer pulled another sheet of paper from the pile which was an exact replica of the one floating in mid-air. She'd highlighted the passage she'd shown him in the brief for his case, but now there it was, smack dab in the middle of the Constitution.
Eighth Amendment– Prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
“What does this mean?” he asked feeling that hidden sliver of hope grow as she began to speak.
“It means they can't keep you in here for more than the term of your natural life. Which you've already served, quite a few times over.” she said gathering the papers and materials on the table and placing them back into her briefcase.
“As of this afternoon at 3:20 p.m. you are a free man. Congratulations Mr. Kinross.” she sad holding out her hand and shaking his as the news sunk in.
Once she had everything packed up, and was ready to go, Gabe finally worked up the nerve to ask her a question he was afraid to know the answer to.
“How..how long have I been in? I honestly don't know anymore.” Gabe said, his voice trailing off as he mentally prepared himself to hear the answer.
“Mr. Kinross, I've been told by both the prison psychotherapist, and an outside panel of experts not to answer that. At least not outright with a number right now.” she said as she turned to signal the guards they were ready to leave.
“You have an appointment with a special therapy group, with others like you. Men and women who've served especially long prison sentences.” she said, the tinge of compassion clear in her voice.
That worried Gabe more than anything. He'd long ago given up counting off the days of his sentence. But the thought that finding out how long he had been in here suddenly became his prime concern.
He'd long known about the others like him, men and women who'd received the “treatment” before committing a capitol crime. They had been among the minority, but he supposed that effective immortality or not, human nature was human nature. And he was among the last of them to be freed.
Gabe of course had heard of the rumors of people opting to reverse the treatment, happily going back to aging and dying as humanity once used to. The news of which was especially unnerving for him, since his generation of nanomachines were completely impervious to this new cure.
He'd found the decision he had made in haste so long ago had trapped him in a new prison. One he could never get out of. One of his own making.
His own body.
As they walked down the long corridor towards freedom, Gabe wondered if anyone he knew was even still alive. Where would he go? What would he do?
And most importantly to him, could he ever die?
Or would he be forever known as what the media dubbed him upon news of his release, the modern Methuselah?
This is my first try at actually writing a story. Be gentle...
"Methuselah unbound"
Dateline May 16, 2024
With the advent of nanotechnology, medical breakthroughs seem likely to become an everyday occurrence. Foremost among them the possibility of nearly limitless healing, and the extension of human life. - Dr. Janice Ghant, Interview published in New England Journal of Medicine June 1, 2024
Some time later...
Gabe sat at the edge of his cot, trying desperately to think of a way out.
But none came, at least none that he hadn't already tried.
Over and over...
To look at him, you'd never guess he was the oldest living natural born human. His salt and pepper hair gave him the appearance of a man in his early forties, a maddening effect that bothered him every time he caught his reflection in a shiny surface. Not that he'd had a mirror, at least not since they took his last one away after his final attempt, a couple decades ago.
He had known it was fruitless the second he began slicing at his wrists and forearms.
But it was the only method left to him. He'd put off trying it for so long. Mostly because of the pain.
But still he watched helplessly anyway as the nanomachines in his body were quickly undoing his latest failed effort at suicide. Easily repairing the deep gashes in his arms before he had even finished cutting.
After that the warden moved him into isolation, so as not to be a danger to himself or others.
Gabe had long ago resigned himself to the fact he'd likely never see the outside world again, other than on TV, or through the fine mesh of the windows of his cell, but in his deepest desires, he kept alive the hope that maybe just maybe one day he'd be free.
It was a surprise then, that a few weeks later Gabe got a visit from his attorney. Or more accurately his last attorney's great-granddaughter or something.
He'd honestly lost track, but the important part to him was that she'd taken on his case when her father died.
Gabe sat silently listening to her speak, glad to hear a human voice not barking orders or threatening to hurt him. He drank in the very sight of her, the fact that she came from the outside world was so distracting he hadn't heard much of what she had been saying, but a key phrase immediately caught his attention.
“Wait, what do you mean free?” He asked incredulously as she flipped through the stack of papers she'd brought along with her.
His lawyer flashed him a quick smile as she handed him a single sheet of paper, densely packed with legal jargon.
“Mr. Kinross, the firm has had your case since day one, and quite frankly I can't believe I'm the first to find this obscure legal loophole.” she said as she pointed to one line in particular on the document.
“What's cruel and unusual punishment?” he asked handing back the sheet of paper.
She again smiled and pulled out a small palmtop computer from her pocket. Its screen quickly flashed to life as a thin beam of greenish light tracking her eyes sent the information directly to her optic nerves.
“Yours is a special case Mr. Kinross. You were incarcerated back before the great digitization of 2103. Every piece of information about your case is only available on hard-copy. Like these files.” she said resting her hand on the small stack of papers on the table.
“When I tried to go over your case it made me wonder what laws were in effect at the time of your incarceration. And that's when I found this.” she said as her eye movements activated the projector function of the tiny computer.
Hovering above the table's surface was a document Gabe only had faint memories of, but had never actually seen before.
“The Constitution of the United States?” he said still wondering what this had to do with the other paper she'd already shown him. As far as he knew the Constitution had no such thing written in it, but he was working from vague childhood memories of the document.
His lawyer pulled another sheet of paper from the pile which was an exact replica of the one floating in mid-air. She'd highlighted the passage she'd shown him in the brief for his case, but now there it was, smack dab in the middle of the Constitution.
Eighth Amendment– Prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
“What does this mean?” he asked feeling that hidden sliver of hope grow as she began to speak.
“It means they can't keep you in here for more than the term of your natural life. Which you've already served, quite a few times over.” she said gathering the papers and materials on the table and placing them back into her briefcase.
“As of this afternoon at 3:20 p.m. you are a free man. Congratulations Mr. Kinross.” she sad holding out her hand and shaking his as the news sunk in.
Once she had everything packed up, and was ready to go, Gabe finally worked up the nerve to ask her a question he was afraid to know the answer to.
“How..how long have I been in? I honestly don't know anymore.” Gabe said, his voice trailing off as he mentally prepared himself to hear the answer.
“Mr. Kinross, I've been told by both the prison psychotherapist, and an outside panel of experts not to answer that. At least not outright with a number right now.” she said as she turned to signal the guards they were ready to leave.
“You have an appointment with a special therapy group, with others like you. Men and women who've served especially long prison sentences.” she said, the tinge of compassion clear in her voice.
That worried Gabe more than anything. He'd long ago given up counting off the days of his sentence. But the thought that finding out how long he had been in here suddenly became his prime concern.
He'd long known about the others like him, men and women who'd received the “treatment” before committing a capitol crime. They had been among the minority, but he supposed that effective immortality or not, human nature was human nature. And he was among the last of them to be freed.
Gabe of course had heard of the rumors of people opting to reverse the treatment, happily going back to aging and dying as humanity once used to. The news of which was especially unnerving for him, since his generation of nanomachines were completely impervious to this new cure.
He'd found the decision he had made in haste so long ago had trapped him in a new prison. One he could never get out of. One of his own making.
His own body.
As they walked down the long corridor towards freedom, Gabe wondered if anyone he knew was even still alive. Where would he go? What would he do?
And most importantly to him, could he ever die?
Or would he be forever known as what the media dubbed him upon news of his release, the modern Methuselah?
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